"I need to protect my friends!"

At least once a month I brush up against days where I do not want to lift weights. Sometimes I can muster up enough of my reliance on consistency to push through the warmup before I decide, "No, I really can't do it today." Usually that thought's preceded by me lying flat on my back on my yoga mat after doing some dead bugs or glute bridges, simple exercises to help wake up the body. If upon completing those I still feel drained and ready for a nap right there in the middle of the floor, then maybe that day's not the day to bull my way through.

Some advice might say, "Push on, just make it a de-load day!" but I've learned enough about myself that if my body is saying, "No," then it means, "No," and who am I to argue against it? If I tried, I risk injury. I've injured myself enough times to be ever wary of those warning signs.

Yet then there are those other days, days where I'm borderline too tired but feel like I can complete the workout with some extra motivation. I might take longer rests between sets, squeezing in an extra minute or two on Animal Crossing in between. I push or pull as hard as I can, ticking down the reps to reach and beat last week's goals before I can rest again, but by God the weights are getting heavier, my arms or legs vibrating with the strain. My breathing is labored, more-so than usual, and if I can just lift myself up twice more from these squats....

'Come on, you can do it, you have to become stronger so you can protect your friends!'

*BAM* I finish those last two reps with a grunt or groan or yell and collapse to the floor or my bench again to take those blissful 2+ minutes to breathe.

Oh, it's campy as campy can be, but it gets the job done.

That internal monologue isn't unlike what a personal trainer might say as they coax their client to give them just one more, just one more rep. When you're by yourself, developing some kind of self-talk to egg yourself on can prove useful for those times you are struggling.

For me, that's falling back on cliche anime and video game lines from my childhood. All these heroes wanted to become stronger so that they could protect or save their friends, pushing the limits of what's possible in order to overcome the impossible threats opposing them. Goku and Frieza, Naruto and Orochimaru, Ichigo and all those powerful Hollows.

Having your "why" is great and all for the long journey. Having a personal reason for wanting to add or change aspects of your life to move closer to the vision of the person you want to become provides the foundation for that change. However, sometimes we need a little extra help scaling that mountain, and if that means convincing yourself to go Super Saiyan to overcome just those few minutes of discomfort, then by all means, lean into it.

Other Notable Accomplishments:

• I won't be posting next week, since it's Christmas Eve and near the end of the final quarter.

• Been working on my planner for next year, revisiting my values, determining what objectives to focus on, doing some introspection. Thanks to conversations with the Jeremy AI in my Built With Science program of all things, something important clicked for me. Perfectionism isn't necessarily bad, but it's the way I utilized it in the past that made it negative for me. I would set arbitrary numbers, and if I didn't accomplish that goal, then I would feel like a catastrophic failure and beat myself up for it. 10k steps taken daily. 1500 words written daily. Drawing daily. The friction caused by failure would drain me more than the overall goal itself.

  • Yet over time, I've slowly been shifting how that perfectionism functions. Posting a blog every week, minus the end of the quarter so I can recharge. Going on walks to and from "work" by delivering coffee to my partner in the morning and walking with him to work after lunch, then a potential longer walk toward the end of the day. 10k steps is the cherry on top, but 8k is "good enough," and if I can't hit 8k, then there's a good reason for it. If I go too long without walking or working out at all, then I start to get restless, feeling a growing need to get out and do something.

  • The overall consistency is there, and the bars are set to where I can sustain the habit over the long term. To reach that point requires experimenting and adjusting expectations, asking yourself mercilessly, "What's the least I can do to build consistency?" and accepting that the bar might have to be lower than what you want. Observe, recognize patterns, ask relentlessly why something works/doesn't work, adjust, repeat.

  • "How do I work with my limitations instead of against them? How do I work with my perfectionism to accomplish what I want instead of making it the enemy and wasting energy with the friction that fighting it creates? How do I use it to create new habits without burning out?"

• Transcribed the rest of Lynn's Session 0, which was ~4 hours long. Somehow I managed it Monday and Tuesday. If I hadn't woken up an hour earlier randomly on Tuesday, I probably would have had to have finished the final part today.

• Finished reading "Ender's Shadow." Card got on his religious soap box again through Sister Carlotta, but taking that out of the equation, it's hard for me to decide if I liked it more or just as much as "Ender's Game." I enjoyed Bean's character development quite a lot. I notice that Card tends to rush the denouement after the climactic moment of the story, but maybe I just prefer slower burns in my stories overall.

• Raged against pull-ups this past week feeling like I'm progressing nowhere fast with them, but I finally learned how to activate my quad muscles by squeezing my inner thighs during heel-lifted goblet squats.

• Started reading "Neuromancer" by William Gibson. I'm on chapter 3, and I honestly have no idea how to feel about it at the moment. I might not hit my 12 books in 12 months goal I set at the beginning of the year, but this "reading sprint" in December has helped me figure out how to build it into my routine, which is a far greater win in my opinion.

• Been more mindful of the breaks I take between my major tasks. Usually my focus is going from one task to the next, and I don't notice if or for how long I take a break in between. This past week, I've consciously followed the cue to take a 5-15 minute break after completing a major task or in between unfinished tasks before continuing. So far I've noticed an increase in my total mental bandwidth for the day, which means a 4th task is feasible as long as I don't overdo it and burn out.

• Finished v1 of my Daggerheart character board mockup to keep my 3 characters straight during sessions. Will be transferring it to thicker drawing paper as v2 to see how it holds up in practice. Then, for v3 I want to start designing a digital copy for others to use, implementing feedback for further changes and alterations.

Real Talk:

• What are your friction points, those pesky areas that cause internal arguments that either leave you frustrated, drained, or depressed? Do you wrestle with perfectionism? Procrastination? Feeling upset over seemingly trivial matters and then judging yourself as the harshest critic in existence for said feelings?

• Do you introspect often or not at all? How comfortable are you sitting with your thoughts? How comfortable are you living with the discomfort of growth, asking the hard questions concerning your values and whether or not you're living up to them?

• What sort of voice do you use with yourself when you need to push a step or two beyond your comfort zone? Is it harsh? Encouraging? Drill sergeant? Do you go Super Saiyan to push past limits that are just out of reach?

This Week's Obligatory Cat Pic: Mura & Qiri