Gradually Returning to "Normal"

Whatever constitutes as "normal" given our current climate.

Honestly, this week has been the liminal week between "regress" and "progress". Since I was late on my last post, which I published on Friday, I haven't had too many days in between to accomplish anything significant either, but overall I've been heading in the right direction!

I worked out 3/4 times, which is a vast improvement to the previous week or two. I had to keep to a lower weight, though I did push myself as much as I dared. I'm still able to do ~7 reps of pull-ups with the green band, which is also promising! Plus, the weather has been agreeable enough for walking, not the blustering cold or 2'-tall snowbanks that have plagued the area recently.

I finally looked back over what I'd recently re-written for the 19th of Nudon in Cael's journal and decided, "Eh, good enough for now," and posted it to my partner's and my Skies Over Aefala server. I also re-wrote most of the 20th after rereading the transcript material for that day, though I still have the "How I'm feeling" section to complete. After nearly a year off from writing journal entries, I can feel the rust of time dusting my attempts to return to a flow. I've always had difficulty concentrating for long periods of time on writing by itself, and time away seems to have exacerbated that particular challenge.

We took Mura to the vet on Monday, too, because he's been dry heaving like he wants to cough up a hairball, but with how fine his fur is, hairballs have never been an issue. The vet took some x-rays and confirmed that it's pretty much mild allergies, nothing that requires medication, just the occasional wheezing session.

So yeah, minimal post, but at least my momentum is slowly building again.

Hopefully I'll have something more significant soon, but in the meantime, here's the 19th of Nudon journal: Year 5, Day 65

Starday the 19th of Nudon: Late Night

"It is almost like a veil was lifted."

Sharing my memories used to frighten me. They scared Matra when all I sought from her was understanding. They betrayed any secret I tried to keep from you, Valen, whenever I jolted awake from nightmares. I suffered the emotional tumult anew during every instance, and I only ever shared the negative memories, because they were my cry for help.

Yet then others began asking me to share my memories with them--Yospip and Professor Wyse--and even more accepted the burden despite my warnings. I became a repository for memories left unshared--the family fleeing Ara, the necromancer from Cullfield, the adventurers decimated by the near-blind Bulettes. If we shed memories like we do skin, how might it feel for someone to come along, gather those memories close, and say, "I'll carry you with me so that you might live on"?

Valen, I believe memories may be more precious than life.

A life will always end, slowly, abruptly, or otherwise, but memories last eternal, hibernating inside objects, waiting to be unearthed by those who can read them. Memories keep us hoping for better tomorrows. They help us connect with one another and understand each other's pain. They help guard us from past mistakes and trauma. To have your memories altered, to lose your memories, to be forgotten...I weep for those poor souls. I weep for Jhadyk. I weep for Matra. I weep for you. I weep for my people, for their memories are dying a death they cannot remember.

I need to help them. The counter-agents I gave Patra, useful though they may be, are but a drop in the ocean of a much larger problem. I could reach more people through my performances, but Maryn would clip that idea's wings before it could even think to take flight. I work best with individual people, but I need to start practicing visualizing the landscape as a whole if I want to help everyone. This quest for vengeance against Maryn for taking you, it can no longer serve me, not when he's holding an entire city hostage.

I've restored Patra's memories, his envoy's memories. I lifted the veil for Matra all those years ago, and her memories paid the price. I need to flip the board in one fell swoop by returning all the memories he's stolen. He and Urgron have already provided the inspiration for mass distribution. I just need to filch the ideas for my own use. How yet, I'm unsure, but I'll solve that puzzle, too, in time.

Valen, if you had to choose between living a short life filled to the brim with memorable experiences or living a long life where you remember nothing, which would you choose?

How I’m feeling: Calm. Steady. Sure-footed. Resolute. I trust my patra, and I trust his envoy. I've listened to the song of Fate, and I've experienced how it feels to become one with the shadows. I've seen the fall of our Plane, and I know that I can fix it, that Ardryll will be able to provide me with a glimmer of hope when I meet with them on the morrow. I partook of the poison, Thane's variant, and came through it unaffected. I have a contingent of people working alongside me ready to shape the world of tomorrow, and I believe in the parts they've chosen to play.

The only uncertainty I have yet to reconcile is how to go about telling you of my growing affection for Kosris. I thought it was fleeting, an infatuation between friends--as far as I know, I'm the only one who feels this way, which may be for the best, since I have you, and he has Thane. Today, however, through the pomp and circumstance of a promise made, that fondness evolved into something deeper, nestling itself right beside that unshakable love I feel toward you.

Days since last Zoning: 11

Real Talk:

• What are your liminal weeks like, the weeks where you're on the mend but not fully recovered, and how do you treat yourself during those recovery periods?

This Week's Obligatory Cat Pic: Qiri & Salad

Now, everybody look to the right...