Oh No, It's Again

Last Thursday was about as normal as normal could get for August. I was on a roll with composing and managed to sketch out several ideas, I completed Week 6, Day 3 for Couch to 5k, I had a plan set for Friday, my partner had almost recovered from being sick...

Then, Friday rolled around, and it, too, seemed normal. Except I could tell I was swallowing more. It felt like I had more mucus buildup in the back of my throat. It wasn't sore or scratchy or tickle-y, but that slight difference in sensation dinged some small warning bells in my head.

'No,' I told myself, 'I can't be getting what my partner caught, not so many days after his initial symptoms began. Surely my body had somehow miraculously defended itself against the sickness without my suffering so much as a sniffle.'

Is wishful thinking just another form of denial?

With school back in session and the parents of germ-riddled kids working while infected, it's no wonder that reports of an uptick in Covid cases have been circulating. While neither my partner nor I took a test to see if that's what passed through us, given the context and the symptoms, I can't imagine it was anything but.

Saturday was our day to deep clean the house. Shampooing the floors, dumping and spraying the litter mats and boxes, you name it, it was gonna get done. While we didn't get to everything, my partner, wonderful person that he is, vacuumed in my stead and still completed most of his side of the chores. Though guilt-ridden, I was also relieved and grateful to have the chance to rest.

I set one challenge for Monday: reach my step goal. Since that wasn't a task I could accomplish indoors, it meant going outside and getting some fresh air, which was a boon in disguise, because my allergies struck with a vengeance that day. Stirring up all of that cat dander will do that to a person. I felt better outdoors than in, so I relished the opportunity to step away from the house and the hermit life, vibing to the music I'd chosen for Teyr'loch Delter Pach, letting the scenes reel through my imagination, and taking in the warmth of the sun and the breeze's cooling caress. I stayed outside until I reached my physical limit, hitting over my step goal, and allowed myself the rest of the day to recuperate.

Yesterday, I increased the number of challenges to two: reach my step goal, and do some practicing/editing of Teyr'loch Delter Pach. I had discovered a piece last Friday when I was first starting to fall ill that fit the exact tone/progression I was trying to compose for the scene following the Music Box. Of course, said piece, "Sir Edmund Burton," is also from the same Transformers OST as "Seglass Ni Tonday," and even uses many of the motifs found in the latter piece, which gave me ideas. So, it looks like I'll be switching back to the original plan of using that for the climactic point of the performance, since the two scenes tie nicely together both on a story front and on a musical front. It lessens my composition load significantly, since, as usual, I'd underestimated how much I would actually need to write. Lower expectations, strive for completion. What I have left on that front will be much more manageable once I can hear again. Illnesses have a way of muffling my hearing as their final bird flip to me, but at least that means it's on its way out at last.

Today, I hope to resume lifting on top of hitting my step goal and posting this blog, working toward my usual output now that I've nearly recovered. I won't be pushing the limits quite yet; need to backpedal some and work back up toward what progress I lost, but it'll be nice to feel my muscles working again. "Regress to progress," as Cori, from Redefining Strength, would say, a quote that applies to more than just fitness. When you're getting over a sickness, regress to progress. When you're recovering from some major life upheavals, regress to progress. When you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed and pulled in a hundred different directions, lighten the load, AKA regress to progress.

On a Different Note:

• Submissions such as the contact form and the comment form may not be working properly. I've tried to view one such submission on my site dashboard, but it wouldn't appear, so I'm not sure if it's on my end or the user end. It'll be something I look into more once I start focusing more deeply on revamping the site, but until then, if anyone gives form submission a try, e-mail me at fear.no.more.blog@gmail.com if something goes awry. Or if it works! Because then it might be on my end.

Questions for Contemplation & Discussion:

• Is wishful thinking just another form of denial? Are there instances where it's actually beneficial, or is the best case comparison for it akin to that of a pipedream? After writing that in the post, I'm genuinely curious to hear your thoughts.

This Week's Obligatory Cat Pic: Salad

Oooooh, basking in the sunlight~